Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Bus, the Paper and Cheesesteak

My first winter here in Las Vegas, I killed a woman on the bus. Ok, I didn't really kill her but I was the last person to talk to her. I got on the bus, saw her in her chair and, in a rare moment of holiday cheer, actually said, "Happy holidays." When the woman's stop came up the driver went to help her unhook her wheelchair so she could get off. She was unresponsive. The driver called the ambulance. They took her off and that was that.
Tonight, the driver of a bus I was on had a heart attack. The driver was able to call for the ambulance himself. Hopefully, the attack was not severe. I made it home eventually.

Other than that, today was a much better day than last Friday was. I figured out what I did wrong and fixed it. Amazingly, fixing the problem took less time than causing the problem. This is not always the case. Although the paper is still not all the way finished, it will not take long tomorrow to complete. Even better, I now know that I know enough to do the whole blasted thing myself. Yes, it's true; I do rule.

Have you ever noticed that th eone thing you really want often is not available when you want it? Today, I felt like having a snadwich from The CheezSteak Factory. I've only eaten there three times. When I arrived at the spot the Cheez should have been, it was gone. I'm sure there are other CheezSteak Factories around town, but I may not be in the mood to eat there when I see such a place.
This is not only true for cheesesteak sanwiches. This is also true (at least for me) about love. The one you want is not always available when you want them. Sometimes, the person is taken. Sometimes, they are out of business. Hopefully, there is another one waiting somewhere. Hopefully, I'll be in the mood when I find it.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Other people's stories

My sister is only person to ever tell me she didn't understand someting I had written. The funny thing is that later, after a re-read, she told me that she'd figured out that I reminded her of David Sedaris. I told her I was reading Sedaris and other similar essayist when I wrote most of the essays in the book she read.
What hasn't happened is that no one has ever told me they just plain old did not like something I had written. It feels good when people like my work, but sometimes, I wish someone would just come right out and say "this sucks." Trust me, I can take it.
I don't think everyone can take such harsh criticism. That is why we have American Idol. I don't watch the show as obsessively as (too) many people do, but I catch bits and pieces. I like Simon Cowell. He tells people when they suck. Most of those people need to be told they suck. They spent years being told how good they were by parents, family and friends even if they weren't. Encouragement is one thing; feeding delusions is another.
The one class I'm taking this semester is "Introduction to Creative Writing." I understand that is an "Introduction" to creative writing and not everyone has been doing it as long as I have. Some might have been doing it longer. I like to think I have a good grasp on what is good and what isn't. What I can't stand is the ass-kissing that goes on in the class. NOT EVERYTHING CAN BE GOOD!
Last year, I edited the school's student literary journal. It was my job to decide what was good and what wasn't. Today, a fellow classmate read a story in class that I had rejected for the journal. I knew it seemed familiar but he reminded me that he had submitted it. I did publish a different piece of his so I don't feel bad about it. What I feel bad about is having to say positive things about a story I think sucks. I try to keep my mouth shut (if nothing good to say don't say anything) but it never works. I can find positive things in most any story. I voice those positive things. What I really want to say is, "Here is what is good," then, "here is what is not so good."
It makes me wonder how honest people are with their reactions. right ow, we have to be careful of people's feelings. We can't tell them when something sucks. By the same token, they cannot tell me if someting sucks. I'm half-tempted to write something bad just to see what happens. I've written some stinkers so I know I can do it again. (As Stephen King says, "As the author of Maximum Overdrive, I'm qualified to say when something sucks.")
Maybe I should write something bad. I could write some poetry. I know I suck at that.

Moments of Doubt, Victim of Ambition

The logical part of my brain knows I can't do everything. It knows there are some things better left to other people. The other half of my brain, the excitable, creative part says that I can do everything. It wants to do everything. It is nearly autocratic in its desires. It isn't all about pleasing myself. That part of my brain doesn't trust anyone. It isn't that I can do everything better than anyone else; the way this goes, if anything is wrong, my name is the one people will see. If sometingis going to go wrong I'd rsther have it actually be my fault.
Now for some hard truth. I don't get paid enough to do everything. The newsroom assistant gets paid more than I do. It isn't her fault. I've been thinking of things for her to do but none of them take very long. I understand that it is a work-study job. She does more study than work.
I sit there, trying ot do the best I can with what I'm given, while attempting to get more. I can't force people to turn in stories or complete assignments. I have reasonable expectations that these assignments should be completed, especially if the person volunteered for the gig. I don't think anyone has volunteered for any of the posted assignments so far. In one sense, it is not my fault if other people do not do what they said they'd do. My responsibility is to produce the best paper I can. So, if people don't turn instories, it is my fault.
I am a victim of ambition. I want to do everything. I can't do everything. I need to learnt o trust more people. So far, some of the trust I've given out has not produced the results expected. How can I trust people if they do not do what meager tasks are asked of them? Would you continue to trust people if they never did what you asked? Would you continue to trust people who are constantly doing things you didn't ask them to do, things that take away from your control?
I am a control freak, apparently. If I really had as much control as I thought I did, this paper would be out today like I promised people it would be.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Olympics and other observations

Right now, I'm watching the gold medal game of men's hockey. I like hockey. I don't know all the rules or players. I don't know nearly as much about hockey as I do about baseball, football and NASCAR. I even know more about basketball than I know about hockey and I don't even like basketball.
Why am I watching hockey right now? I like it, but I don't love it. I'm watching hockey because the NASCAR race doesn't start until 12:30 and baseball season doesn't start for another month. This game, though, is a classic rivalry. Finland versus Sweden. Forget USC-Notre Dame, Duke-North Carolina, Cowboys-Redskins. Red Sox-Yankees might come close. This is not only sports pride but also territorial pride. These teams battle on the ice and know who the best country is. They leave the cross-country skiing events to Norway. It is hockey that matters. More of a national pastime for these countries than baseball ever was here in the States.
The good news is that baseball will have a real turn and deciding who is the best in the world. Before the season begins, we'll be treated to the World Baseball Classic. Teams from around the world, over 170 Major Leage players involved. Our best, the best from Japan, Korea, Italy, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Mexico and others will play for a true World Championship. Our wonderful U.S. government is even being kind enough to let Cuba play. (Cuba has produced many great players over the last 60 years, so it would have been abssurd not to let them play. Government sure can be dumb sometimes.) Even though some of my favorite players will be playing for other countries, I will cheer for the USA.
Ok, a little bit more on the Olympics. Hockey is not my favorite Olympic sport to watch. Can you guess what I enjoy watching the most? It shouldn't be too difficult. CAn't think of it? Women's Figure Skating, of course. Those chicks are hot!!!

And just in case you didn't see it, Sweden won the gold.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Rabbit Season

Recently, my father informed me of an addition to his household. My sisters adopted a rabbit. Picked up a leash and everything. He and I have made jokes about fattening it up to make stew. These jokes are not always jokes. I'd say it's been close to twenty years since I've eaten rabbit. Never too late to start again.
Two days ago, a new cage and small black rabbit showed up at my house. The rabbit's name is Amy. I didn't name it. The owner of the animal did. I tried to convinced him to rename the rabbit Stewie. He isn't listening. That's ok; he's only eight.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Working on it...

Yeah, I liked the first template, too. Some people couldn't read it. Since I'm still figuring out how to use all the groovy tools of this host, it was easier to change templates than change the color of the type. With this one, it is white on black. Classic.

A dream I had

This week, I have been preparing my first issue as editor-in-chief. I've done all I can do, now I'm just waiting for someone to come in and check that I did all the layout stuff right. I don't know much about that end, but I'm a smart guy and figured out how to do it. I am worried that I didn't do it right, that something will be wrong and the printer will send it back. It looks good on the screen.
Last night, I dreamt that a few people went ahead and sent it to the printer without me. It came back looking nothing like what I had done. In the dream, I tried to stay calm but eventually I blew up. A major tantrum ensued; chairs were thrown, windows broken, people hurt. Mayhem all around.
Naturally, I woke up paranoid. I want to do a good job. i want the people who hired me to know they made the right decision. I'm already a couple days behind where I hoped to be. Some say that is to be expected for my first issue. I know there are things that happen, I just hate being the cause of those things.
It is so much easier to yell at other people.

First Post, new Blog

Hello to everyone. I've been encouraged to start this blog by more than one person so here it is. Don't worry, for those of you who do not know me, you'll learn fast. I promise to always tell you the truth. I won't always tell you everything going on, but you'll get the point. Some of what I write about will be personal. Some of it will be story ideas i'm working on. Mostly, it will be me ranting and raving. Have to blow off steam somehow.
Catch you on the flipside,
Tranchell