Halloween

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

The following is an account of my weekend. An abridged version appears in today's Argonaut under the headline "The Longest Halloween Ever"

The Long Halloween by T.J. Tranchell
Argonaut
This weekend was a lot like that Ministry song “Everyday is Halloween.” With the actual holiday being on Tuesday, much of the activity around town happened Friday and Saturday. That is the bad news. The good news is that there are still a few things to do today.
This Halloween began on Oct. 20 by driving the 13.5 miles to see the Haunted Palouse. It is a rare wonder to see a cornfield on Main Street in any town. Those who want to make the drive are in luck because Haunted Palouse will be open Halloween night. With a few nights under their belts, the attractions should be better than opening night. The museum section is fabulous and puts the Old Fire House and Corn Maze sections to shame. I’m hoping they got better, anyway. Otherwise, what good am I at Halloween consulting?
Good enough to help out with a local “home haunt.”
I only planned to pass along a few tips to Eric Conte, a food science major and pirate paraphernalia collector. His enthusiasm for his “Moscow Massacre” was infectious. I signed on a week before the gig.
Between Sunday and Friday, lots of time was spent costume shopping. The most popular costume this year is the Pirate, which means Conte is ahead of the game. Specifically popular is anything related to “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Pirate costumes flew off the racks at Wal-Mart. One poor mother had to convince her son to be Superman when all the good pirate costumes were gone.
Sun Rentals did a brisk business in pirate gear, too. When the previous “Superman” movies were released Superman was one of the best costumes. If it wasn’t for Johnny Depp we would be seeing more red capes around today.
I made a stop at Hot Topic, too, just to see if they were sick of the people who only shop their once a year. It was rather busy so I didn’t hear any complaining.
Thursday night brought me to the Sigma Tau Delta Halloween Poetry reading. We had some good Poe readings highlighted by faculty advisor Walter Hesford’s rendition of “City by the Sea.”
All six people there, including myself, hoped for a bigger turn out. Then again, if more people had shown up, I might not have won the pumpkin full of candy for my own original poems.
Friday marked the first night of the “Moscow Massacre” and the first round of major partying. We couldn’t get a chainsaw so I had to improvise.
Let me tell you about chainsaws. They are crude and lack subtlety. Chainsaws should be the last resort, not the first. And if you see someone carrying a chainsaw and wearing a hockey mask, you have my permission to mock them and tell them to watch a “Friday the 13th” movie to see how often Jason Voorhees wields a chainsaw. Answer: NEVER!
Isn’t it scarier to have someone chasing you while scraping knives together? I thought so and that is what I did. It worked. One woman ended up in the bushes and more ran screaming back inside the house.
If you came to the house and we made you scream, good. If you didn’t scream or weren’t scared at all, it only cost you a dollar so quit complaining.
Maybe we helped teach a few people to watch behind them. The screaming isn’t over until I say it.
“Moscow Massacre” should be back next year, just in case you missed it.
Friday and Saturday were great nights for parties. The Knightmare on Lambda Street on Friday, the Moscow Social Club’s Costume Party Saturday night, and the Garden Lounge’s Twilight Zone where just a few.
The Twilight Zone accentuated another feature of the weekend: the fall back to standard time from daylight savings. An extra hour to drink! Or an extra hour to sleep, if you aren’t the partying type. It is like a tax return. Here is this hour we took from you earlier in the year. You can have it back now. We don’t it.
Until March, that is.
There were trick-or-treaters out Friday and Saturday, too. Many went to the “Tower of Terror” at Theophilus Tower. I wonder how many of them know that the second floor is supposedly haunted. (Argonaut Oct. 13, 2000.)
I don’t have a problem with going to an event. I do have a problem with door-to-door trick-or-treating on days other than Halloween.
As essayist David Sedaris said, “Asking for candy on Halloween is called trick-or-treating; asking for candy on November first is begging.”
I’m also bothered by “trunk-or-treating,” also. Have you seen this? A bunch of people take over a parking lot and decorate their trunks. The trunks are supposedly filled with candy. What kind of fun is this? Getting into costume and walking around for less than a block? Candy should be a reward for a child’s hard work in costuming and trudging their parents around throughout the neighborhood.
Call me a Halloween purist, but if you don’t knock on my door on Oct. 31 don’t expect anything from me.
I did notice a good crowd for the showing of “Poltergeist” Saturday night at the Kenworthy. I love seeing who screams the most during the clown attack. I’m not afraid of clowns, but I know a lot of people who are. Even something that looks like a clown scares them.
I saved my movie money to watch “Saw III.” I suggest going to see it, if you don’t mind blood. A little torture never hurt anyone.
Sunday and Monday might seem like they should be days off (party recovery days for many of us) but even then Halloween still occupied the time of a few brave souls.
Pumpkin carving, which many people still do, is one of the oddest traditions. You know your pumpkin is going to be smashed by someone. Yet we still put forth the effort. Every year I say my pumpkin will be better than last year. It never is.
As such, I stayed out the pumpkin carving contest held on the Commons Plaza Lawn Sunday and Monday.
I painted a pumpkin instead. Less mess and harder to smash. That and I didn’t have to endure the momentary hail storm Sunday afternoon.
With that activity over the weekend, don’t forget when the real holiday is. Trick-or-treating should not be limited by age. If you go out, in costume, you should be rewarded.
Don’t come to my house, though. I will be busy celebrating another aspect of Halloween: my birthday. Partying will be done and joy will be had.
If you need somewhere to go, try Tubaween, 7:00 p.m. at the Recital Hall. Go in costume.
Have a Happy Halloween, Moscow. I know I will. And if you see me waiting for the Great Pumpkin, stop by and say hi.